Month: October 2014

Moving back across the pond

Looks like I won’t have to dream about autumn–or seasons–for too much longer. The Air Force has finally granted my little family an assignment. This coming March, our family of four (hubster + me + Niño + dog) are moving from Guam to New England.

Is it sad that the thing I’m looking forward to the most is cold weather?

We had been hoping for another overseas assignment. Now I’m thinking that Massachusetts will be foreign enough for me–I’ve always felt more at home in the South.

People keep telling me that I’m going to freeze. No, I tell them. I’m going to be comfortable for the first time in two years. Maybe for once my body won’t cry in protest every time I walk out my front door.

I’m going to miss Guam, though. The people here, the Christian community, the brilliant greens and blues around almost every bend of the road, and being able to climb up onto my roof to watch the sun set over the ocean will all turn into those memories that you can only try to relive once they’re gone.

Guam gave me my first taste of the islands, even when I was on my way to Saipan to teach English three summers ago. I had no idea I’d meet the man I’d marry while I was teaching English at Eucon International School in Saipan. Or that when I sat in a 747 heading back home and watched the cliffs of Guam drifting further out of sight, I’d be going back surprisingly soon.

Several months later, I was shipping my book collection overseas, saying goodbye to my small but precious family in South Carolina, then flying out myself with a wedding dress in my carry-on.

The hubster and I have been dreaming about New England. There will be farms that grow all kinds of real food! There will be snow in the winter and hiking and kayaking the lakes and rivers in the summer. Family will be within a day’s drive. Suddenly travel will be so much easier because flying out of Boston costs a third as much as flying out of Guam to just about anywhere.

We’ll have to bring Baby Jacoby back one day to meet the little island where the story began.

Hello, my name is Steffani and I’m a recovering English student.

English Class BooksCurling up with a book is more discomfortable during Week 28 of pregnancy than it was during Week 27.

But I’ve spent several long nights lately curled up with a book and a cup of tea anyway, squirming to get comfortable and getting lost in stories.

I’m still recovering from the trauma that my English degree inflicted on my reading life. It’s much harder now than it was in high school to sit down and instantly get lost in another world.

Literature classes (and even journalism classes) forced me to read everything critically, on a deadline, and with an eye for analysis.

I still think of books as “texts” more than stories half the time.

I read the full manuscripts of The Iliad and The Odyssey over the course of about 10 days during senior year–along with the rest of my homework and a part-time job. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pages of clashing bronze, Greek deities, and dysfunctional families. I read those epics so quickly because they were assigned. I wasn’t lost in the world. I just wanted a good grade.

The experience was traumatic.

Worth it, but traumatic.

I’ll reread some of those stories one day soon, because Homer deserves far more of my time than a week and a half of one rushed semester.

I loved those classes, and I’ll never regret taking them, though they changed the way I read. Lit classes also taught me that the written word is far more than a source of entertainment or information. At risk of sounding all mystic and literary-snobbish–it’s more transcendental than that.

Literature is evidence of a mind that cares to tell stories in a meaningful way. Unlike most (all?) more modern media, it requires the sustained attention and mental participation of its audience (insert Neil Postman quote here. No, seriously).

You get to know the characters. Maybe even you get to know the author. You see their faces even more vividly than if they were on a big screen. No one does the imagining or interpreting for you; you have to do it yourself.

The very best books are written by authors who have a story to tell, not authors out to write the next bestseller.

In any case, it’s been a year and a half since I took my last literature class, and I’m still recovering. But over the past few weeks, I’ve rediscovered some of the wonder of literary fiction–from wizards and elves to Holocaust survivors to gladiators in ancient Rome. And I’m remembering why I love to read.

A few weeks ago, I read a Wall Street Journal article about the value of reading slowly. Like a good human-interest story, it opens with a snapshot of a very human environment–a book club meeting in a coffee shop–and then turns our notions of what a book club normally is into something radically new (or old?) and different.

The idea is that people get together to sip their lattes or earl grey teas, disconnect from everything for an hour, and read. The group was started by Meg Williams, a marketing manager with a degree in English literature. She felt the pull of words and the need to unplug, relax, and simply read in a world that’s learned to skim everything a mile a minute.

If I could talk to Ms. Williams, I’d ask if she was as traumatized by her English degree as I was by mine.

6 Particularly Irritating Baby Trends

I’m easily irritated lately.  And I’m learning that I, ah, just don’t understand some baby trends.

I had no idea most of these were even things until I became pregnant and started getting bombarded by the cutting-edge baby-ness that is the motherhood culture of 2014. And I must say, a lot of what I found made me want to move to a less-civilized country where stuff like this is still considered weird, wacky, and inappropriate.

Disclaimer: My six-month-pregnant brain’s filter is not containing its opinions very well right now. Don’t expect me to be unbiased.

Irritating Baby Thing #1: Stupid/Inappropriate Onesies. 

Please. No.

A simple Etsy search for “newborn onesies” results in various screen-printed onesies featuring inaccurate, painfully tacky, and wildly inappropriate wording–and bad clip art. Some of my favorites:

1. Started from the belly. Now I’m here. 

Stating the obvious much?

2. I had boobies for breakfast. 

Because breastfeeding isn’t cool unless you (and your baby) flaunt it, apparently.

3. Lock up your daughters. 

Yes, let’s make Little Tim into a cutesy-fied sex object before he’s even six months old. In the same vein:

4. I drink until I pass out. 

Aaand my personal favorite that makes me want to buy every single one and donate them to the dog as chew toys:

5. I totally wrecked a vagina. 

Again, because advertising the “adorable” sexual prowess of an infant has become trendy. (And we wonder what’s wrong with middle-schoolers.)

Irritating Baby Thing #2: Social Media Oversharing. 

I don’t understand some people’s need to document every week of pregnancy for the world. Not saying it’s wrong. Just that I don’t get it. The whole “Look! I’m 7.8 weeks along and here’s a picture of my baby bump! …and here’s another at 8.2 weeks! …and another at 9! OMG I feel like a whale already!” thing takes social media over-sharing to a whole new level.

Not to mention those who feel compelled to share every ache and pain with the world. Yeah, I have them, too. I just limit myself to complaining to people I think might actually care (I’m not delusional enough to believe that everyone I’m friends with on Facebook wants this information).

Not that I don’t want to rejoice with the other pregnant mamas out there. Because I do. Really. Maybe the fact that I tend to keep most of my life on the fairly personal, un-documented side of things is just negatively influencing me here when I see others going to different extremes.

Irritating Baby Thing #3: Risqué Maternity Photos. 

So I don’t understand the weekly bump photo updates coupled with sharing everything on social media. But what I *despise* are the professional maternity photos in which pregnant mamas seem to think they must take off (almost) all their clothes in order to fully capture the, er, sensual, primal, whatever nature of pregnancy.

Again, a quick Etsy search for “maternity” yields a plethora of results–from risqué maternity photography services to maternity “gowns” that look more like wedding night lingerie (or just an artful arrangement arms and legs and lace covering up key parts) than anything I’d want to have my picture taken in. I mean, seriously, what do you do with the resulting photos? Is this a picture you’re going to want on your mantle for generations? So one day your kid can ooh and ahh over how good you looked in clingy lace while you were 8 months pregnant?

I have a sneaking suspicion that many of these photo shoots are spawned by women who want to make themselves feel attractive and desirable despite their pregnant state, and that the only way they can come to terms with the way they look is to paint on the makeup, swath key spots with gauzy lace, and trust the editing skills of the photog to airbrush over the all the cellulite, stretch marks, and varicose veins.

I’d argue that finding the beauty in pregnancy has little (nothing?) to do with lace or lipstick, and that there’s nothing empowering about Photoshop’s airbrush feature.

Irritating Baby Thing #4: Dressing infants like adults.

How old is this kid? 18? Or 4?

If Baby Jacoby ends up being a girl, I won’t be getting her ears pierced before she can walk any more than I’ll be getting a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder blade. Since when does a baby need earrings to make her cuter? Moreover, what if she’s a nonconformist and doesn’t WANT extra holes in her body later on? If she does, getting her ears pierced as a teenager or adult is her choice–if she can’t handle needles at that point, perhaps she should rethink piercings.

I also don’t understand ultra-frilly, gauzy, tulle-y, flowered headbands for girls. Or dressing boys like Tommy Hilfiger models when they’re just a few weeks old. What newborn needs a tuxedo? Or a prom dress? Or lacy fishnet tights? Let them be kids for awhile. They’ll have to grow up fast enough anyway.

Irritating Baby Thing #5: Brand-consciousness. 

From the Calvin Klein graphic tees made for toddlers to the baby slings available in every color and luxury fabric under the sun for a couple hundred dollars each, the market loves catering to new parents who want the very best for their child. Don’t get me wrong–I want a baby sling that works well, and I don’t mind paying for it. But I don’t need one in a color to match each outfit. And I don’t want my kid to be a walking billboard for various clothing companies. And if I choose a Graco bassinet over a BabyBjorn one, so be it.

Irritating Baby Thing #6: Maternity clothes. 

I’m sick of uber-tight baby-bump-hugging maternity clothes. Not that I’m ashamed of my bump. I’m not so Victorian-esque that I’m trying to hide the fact that I’m pregnant for as long as possible. And I acknowledge the cuteness of some form-fitting maternity clothes.

Besides, it’s not like I hate tailored tops across the board.

BUT I don’t always want to walk waddle around in uber-form-fitting tops that cradle my blob-like abdomen. Could I get some positive ease, please? Just a little? For the days when I feel like a panda or when I don’t feel like wearing any clothes at all, let alone the most tailored ones in the closet?

Also, horizontal stripes. Just because I’m preggo doesn’t mean I want all parts of me emphasized in the horizontal. Just saying.


Post-typhoon Tanguisson Beach Typhoon Vongfong came and went. Before the storm hit, reports indicated we could expect 100-mph gusts. But the only tangible results that I’ve seen so far have been downed trees here and there, and showers of little shredded palm fronds, an unnatural fall of leaves for October on Guam.

My house feels like a cave with all the storm shutters closed. The consistently gray, soggy haze marking the rainy season on Guam doesn’t help. The partial ocean view from the patio is exponentially more impressive if you can actually see the horizon. It’s excellent reading weather.

It also makes me want to curl up on the sofa and sleep–for hours and hours and hours on end.

Volunteering at an Operation Christmas Drop golf tournament fundraiser thing on Saturday forced me to switch from night shift back to days. I went to bed around 9 p.m. last night, woke up a few times to peek out the door and listen to the wind, and otherwise slept until 11:30 this morning. Pretty sure I could sleep 14+ hours each night without a problem. Such is month 6 of pregnancy… and island-induced laziness.

When we finally crawled out of bed this morning, the husband and I drove around to see what kind of damage Vongfong inflicted. We walked up and down Tanguisson Beach in search of waves and stopped at Two Lover’s Point.

The panoramic view from the clifftop was hazy and gray (go figure) and the beach down below at Tanguisson was decorated with washed-up seaweed and shells, but other than that all remained peaceful and surprisingly blue beneath a post-typhoon sky. Hard to believe we’re leaving in just about six months! I’ll miss these lazy, rainy days and nights and the power of the nearby ocean.